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Two-Partacademic·2020

In many parts of the world, children are having health problems due to being overweight. What are the causes of this problem? What measures should be taken to solve it?

**ቢያንስ 250 ቃላት** ጻፍ። ~40 ደቂቃ ውሰድ። ይህ እውነተኛ IELTS ፈተና ዓይነት ጥያቄ ነው።

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Step 1

IELTS ፈታኝ ምክሮች ለዚህ ርዕስ

1

Ensure you dedicate a distinct body paragraph to each part of the question: one for the causes of childhood obesity and another for the proposed solutions. For instance, Body Paragraph 1 could thoroughly explore the causes, while Body Paragraph 2 would then pivot to discuss the various measures to address these issues, ensuring a clear structure and full task response.

2

When discussing causes, you could cite the prevalence of ultra-processed foods and sugary beverages in Western diets, such as the pervasive fast-food culture in the US or the decline in physical education in schools globally. For solutions, consider examples like Singapore's "Healthy Meals in Schools Programme" or public health campaigns promoting active lifestyles, similar to those seen in Scandinavian countries.

3

A common mistake is to provide generic health advice that isn't specifically tailored to children or to conflate being overweight with general poor health without linking it directly to childhood obesity. Avoid simply listing 'eat less, exercise more'; instead, elaborate on *why* children are eating poorly (e.g., parental influence, marketing) and *why* they are less active (e.g., screen time, unsafe play areas), and then propose solutions that address these specific childhood contexts.

4

To transition smoothly from causes to solutions, use phrases that signal a shift from problem identification to proposed remedies. For example, after detailing the causes, you could begin the next paragraph with 'Given these underlying factors, a multi-pronged approach is essential to mitigate the rising rates of childhood obesity,' or 'Addressing these root causes necessitates a series of concerted efforts from various stakeholders.'

5

Examiners look for a nuanced understanding of the complex interplay of factors contributing to childhood obesity, moving beyond simplistic explanations to include socio-economic, cultural, and policy influences. A band 8-9 response will also present well-developed, practical, and varied solutions, demonstrating critical thinking by linking specific measures directly back to the identified causes and considering their feasibility and impact.

Step 2

የሚመከር የድርሰት አወቃቀር (Band 7+ ደረጃ)

1
መግቢያ

ወዲያውኑ ፈታኙን ትኩረት ስቦ አቋምህን አሳይ።

  • ጥያቄውን በጠንካራ ተመሳሳይ ቃላት ደግምው — ቃላቱን ቀጥተኛ አትቅዳ
  • አስተያየትህን በመጨረሻው ዓረፍተ ነገር ግልጽ አድርግ — ምንም ጥርጣሬ አይኑር
  • አጭር አድርገው፡ ከ2-3 ዓረፍተ ነገሮች አይበልጥ። እያንዳንዱ ቃል ዋጋ ሊኖረው ይገባል።

Band 7+ ለእያንዳንዱ አንቀጽ የሚሆኑ የዓረፍተ ነገር ጀምሮዎች

It is often argued that...There is a growing debate about whether...In my view, ... because ...
2
አካል አንቀጽ 1 — በጣም ጠንካራ ክርክርህ

በማይካድ ማስረጃ ጠንካራ ሙግት አቅርብ።

  • በኃይለኛ ርዕሰ ዓረፍተ ነገር ጀምር — ክርክርህን ደፍሮ ግለጽ
  • በተጨባጭ ማስረጃ ደግፍ፡ ስታቲስቲክስ፣ የገሃዱ ዓለም ምሳሌዎች፣ ወይም የባለሙያ ጥናት
  • ማስረጃህ ነጥብህን እንዴት እንደሚያረጋግጥ ግልጽ አድርግ — ፈታኙ ግንኙነቱን እንዲረዳ አገናኝ

Band 7+ ለእያንዳንዱ አንቀጽ የሚሆኑ የዓረፍተ ነገር ጀምሮዎች

The primary reason I hold this view is that...This is clearly illustrated by...For instance, in many countries...
3
አካል አንቀጽ 2 — ተጨማሪ ክርክር

አቋምህን ከሌላ አቅጣጫ ደግፍ።

  • የተለየ አቅጣጫ ምረጥ — አንቀጽ 1 ኢኮኖሚያዊ ከሆነ፣ ማህበራዊ፣ አካባቢያዊ ወይም ሥነ ምግባራዊ ሞክር
  • አዲስ ማስረጃ ተጠቀም — ተመሳሳይ ምሳሌ ወይም ምክንያት አትደግም
  • ከዋና ሃሳብህ ጋር ግልጽ አገናኝ — ይህ አጠቃላይ አቋምህን እንዴት እንደሚያጠናክር አሳይ

Band 7+ ለእያንዳንዱ አንቀጽ የሚሆኑ የዓረፍተ ነገር ጀምሮዎች

Furthermore, it is worth considering that...Another compelling argument is that...This is further supported by the fact that...
4
ማጠቃለያ

በልበ ሙሉነት እና በሚታወስ ሃሳብ ጥሩ ስሜት ትተህ ጨርስ።

  • አዲስ ሃሳብ አታስገባ — ይህ የመጨረሻ ማጠቃለያህ ነው
  • አቋምህን ከመግቢያው የበለጠ ጠንካራ ቃላት ተጠቅሞ ድገምው
  • ኃይለኛ አድርገው፡ ከ2 ዓረፍተ ነገሮች አይበልጥ። በእምነት ጨርስ።

Band 7+ ለእያንዳንዱ አንቀጽ የሚሆኑ የዓረፍተ ነገር ጀምሮዎች

In conclusion, I firmly believe that...To sum up, the evidence clearly suggests that...

Step 3

ከፍተኛ ውጤት የሚያስገኙ ቃላት እና ሐረጎች

sedentary lifestyleA lifestyle characterized by much sitting and little physical activity.
nutritional deficienciesA lack of essential vitamins and minerals in the diet, often paradoxically found in overweight individuals consuming calorie-dense but nutrient-poor foods.
public health initiativesGovernment or community-led programs aimed at improving the health of a population.
it is widely acknowledged thatA phrase used to introduce a generally accepted fact or belief.
a compelling argument can be madeA phrase used to introduce a strong and persuasive point.
this notion is predicated onThis idea is based on or depends on.
from my perspectiveUsed to introduce a personal viewpoint or opinion.
the evidence overwhelmingly suggestsUsed to indicate that there is a large amount of data supporting a particular conclusion.
notwithstandingIn spite of; despite.
it could be argued thatUsed to introduce a point that is debatable or one perspective among others.

Step 4

Academic Phrases for This Essay Type

It is widely acknowledged thatThere is compelling evidence to suggestThis phenomenon can be attributed toA growing body of research indicatesThe implications of this are far-reachingThis raises important questions aboutFrom a broader perspectiveIt would be short-sighted to ignore

ጭማሬ

MoreoverFurthermoreIn additionWhat is more

ቅራኔ

HoweverNeverthelessOn the other handConversely

ምክንያት / ውጤት

ConsequentlyAs a resultThereforeThis leads to

ምሳሌ

For instanceTo illustrateA case in point isSuch as

ስምምነት ወዳለ አቅጣጫ

AlthoughWhile it is true thatDespiteAdmittedly

Step 5

Grammar Patterns for Band 7+

የስምምነት ዓረፍተ ነገር

Although some argue that technology isolates people, the evidence suggests it strengthens connections.

ከፍተኛ ሰዋሰዋዊ ቁጥጥር ያሳያል። 'Although' ብለህ ጀምር — ተቃራኒ ሃሳብ አምጣ፣ ከዚያ አቋምህን ግለጽ — ጥልቅ አስተሳሰብ ያሳያል።

ሁኔታዊ ዓረፍተ ነገር (Type 2)

If governments invested more in public transport, traffic congestion would decrease significantly.

ለምናባዊ ሁኔታዎችና መፍትሔዎች ጥሩ ነው። 'If + past simple, would + infinitive' — ተለዋዋጭነት ያሳያል።

ለacademic ቃና Passive ተጠቀም

It is often argued that education should be free. However, this view overlooks the practical challenges.

Academic writing passive ዓረፍተ ነገሮችን ይመርጣል። 'It is + past participle + that' — ስልጣናዊና ገለልተኛ ቃና ይሰጣል።

አንጻራዊ ዓረፍተ ነገር

Students who study abroad, which is becoming increasingly common, tend to develop greater independence.

ውስብስብ ሳይሆን ብቃትን ያሳያል። ለሰዎች 'who'፣ ለነገሮች 'which'፣ ለሁለቱም 'that' ተጠቀም።

ጥቅጥቅ ለማለት የስም ሐረግ

The rapid expansion of urban areas has led to increased pollution levels.

በጥቂት ቃላት ብዙ መረጃ ያስተላልፋል። 'The implementation of effective policies' እና 'policies are implemented effectively' ይወዳደሩ — Lexical Resource ውጤትን ያሻሽላል።

Step 6

Band 9 ናሙና መልስ (ሙሉ ምዘና)

ሙሉ ናሙና መልሱን እና የፈታኝ አስተያየቶችን ለማየት በነፃ ይመዝገቡ።

ሙሉ ናሙና መልስ ይመልከቱ — በነፃ ይመዝገቡ

እንደ እውነተኛ IELTS ፈተና ተለማመዱ

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ኦፊሴላዊ IELTS የመልስ ወረቀት ያውርዱ (PDF)

እያንዳንዱ ድርሰት እውነተኛ የእንግሊዝኛ ችሎታዎን እና የፈተና እምነትዎን ይገነባል

ዝርዝር፣ መስፈርት-በ-መስፈርት ግብረ-መልስ ያግኙ። በብዙ ድርሰቶች ላይ ሂደቶን ይከታተሉ። IELTS Writing Task 2 ይቆጣጠሩ — ለፈተናው ብቻ ሳይሆን ለሕይወትዎ ሁሉ።

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