IELTS.international
Opinionacademic·2021

Obesity is becoming a serious problem in many countries, particularly in rich countries. Discuss the causes and effects and suggest some solutions.

最低250語で書いてください。約40分かけてください。これは本番の 100 試験形式の質問です。

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Step 1

このトピックに関するIELTS 試験官のアドバイス

1

For this question, your 'position' should be a clear acknowledgement of the severity and multifaceted nature of the obesity crisis, particularly in affluent nations. While you must discuss various causes and effects, ensure your introduction clearly frames obesity as a pressing global health challenge, and your conclusion reiterates the urgency for integrated solutions. You don't need to 'defend a stance' against an opposing view, but rather maintain a consistent tone about the problem's gravity and the need for action.

2

To enhance your arguments, consider specific real-world examples such as the alarming rise in Type 2 diabetes rates in the United States, directly linked to dietary habits and sedentary lifestyles. You could also reference the implementation of 'sugar taxes' in countries like the UK or Mexico, discussing their intended effects on consumption patterns. Furthermore, citing the prevalence of highly processed foods and aggressive marketing campaigns targeting children in affluent societies provides concrete evidence for causes.

3

A common pitfall is treating the essay as a mere checklist, listing causes, effects, and solutions in separate, underdeveloped paragraphs without demonstrating their interconnectedness. To avoid this, ensure each point is thoroughly explained and explicitly linked to the broader issue; for instance, explain how sedentary lifestyles (cause) lead to increased cardiovascular disease (effect), and how urban planning for cycling paths (solution) can mitigate this. Maintain a cohesive narrative rather than a fragmented discussion.

4

For seamless transitions between discussing causes, effects, and solutions, employ phrases that clearly signal a shift in focus while maintaining a logical flow. For example, after detailing causes, you might transition with 'Consequently, these causative factors invariably lead to a range of detrimental effects...' or 'The ripple effects of such dietary and lifestyle patterns are profound.' When moving to solutions, use phrases like 'Addressing these multifaceted challenges necessitates a comprehensive approach, and several potential remedies warrant consideration.'

5

Examiners awarding band 8-9 for this question seek not just a comprehensive discussion of causes, effects, and solutions, but also a nuanced understanding of their intricate interplay. This means demonstrating how socio-economic factors drive certain dietary choices, how these choices manifest as specific health conditions, and how proposed solutions address these underlying mechanisms. Furthermore, a sophisticated lexical range, precise academic collocations, and consistently accurate complex grammatical structures, all contributing to a highly coherent and cohesive argument, are crucial.

Step 2

推奨エッセイ構成(Band 7+ スタンダード)

1
イントロダクション

採点官の興味を引き、すぐに自分の立場を明確に示しましょう。

  • 強力な類義語を使って質問を言い換える — 言葉をそのままコピーしない
  • 最終文で自分の意見を明確に述べる — 疑いの余地を残さない
  • 簡潔に:最大2〜3文。すべての単語に意味を持たせる。

各パラグラフのBand 7+ センテンススターター

It is often argued that...There is a growing debate about whether...In my view, ... because ...
2
ボディパラグラフ1 — 最強の論点

反論の余地のない証拠で、最も説得力のある主張を行う。

  • 力強いトピックセンテンスで始める — 自分の主張を大胆に述べる
  • 具体的な証拠(統計、実例、専門家の研究)で裏付ける
  • 証拠がどのように自分の主張を証明するのかを正確に説明する — 採点官に筋道を示す

各パラグラフのBand 7+ センテンススターター

The primary reason I hold this view is that...This is clearly illustrated by...For instance, in many countries...
3
ボディパラグラフ2 — 補足的な論点

補完的な視点で自分の立場を強化する。

  • 異なる角度を選ぶ — パラグラフ1が経済的なら、社会的、環境的、倫理的視点を試す
  • 新しい証拠を使う — 同じ例や論理を繰り返さない
  • 自分の主張に明示的に結びつける — これが全体の立場をどのように強化するかを示す

各パラグラフのBand 7+ センテンススターター

Furthermore, it is worth considering that...Another compelling argument is that...This is further supported by the fact that...
4
結論

自信に満ちた印象的な結びで、長く記憶に残る印象を与える。

  • 新しいアイデアを導入しない — これは最終的な要約である
  • イントロダクションよりも強い語彙を使って自分の立場を再提示する
  • 力強く:最大2文。権威を持って締めくくる。

各パラグラフのBand 7+ センテンススターター

In conclusion, I firmly believe that...To sum up, the evidence clearly suggests that...

Step 3

高得点につながる語彙・コロケーション

sedentary lifestylesLifestyles characterized by a lot of sitting and physical inactivity.
processed foodsFood products that have been altered from their natural state, often containing added sugars, fats, and salt.
public health initiativesPrograms or policies designed to improve the health of a population.
it is widely acknowledged thatA phrase used to introduce a point that is generally accepted as true.
a compelling argument can be madeA phrase used to introduce a strong and persuasive point.
this notion is predicated onThis idea is based on or depends on.
from my perspectiveA phrase used to introduce one's personal viewpoint or opinion.
the evidence overwhelmingly suggestsA phrase indicating that there is a very strong amount of proof for a particular point.
notwithstandingDespite; in spite of.
this is not to say thatA phrase used to clarify a statement by indicating what is not being claimed.

Step 4

Academic Phrases for This Essay Type

It is widely acknowledged thatThere is compelling evidence to suggestThis phenomenon can be attributed toA growing body of research indicatesThe implications of this are far-reachingThis raises important questions aboutFrom a broader perspectiveIt would be short-sighted to ignore

追加

MoreoverFurthermoreIn additionWhat is more

対比

HoweverNeverthelessOn the other handConversely

原因 / 結果

ConsequentlyAs a resultThereforeThis leads to

例示

For instanceTo illustrateA case in point isSuch as

譲歩

AlthoughWhile it is true thatDespiteAdmittedly

Step 5

Grammar Patterns for Band 7+

譲歩を含む複文

Although some argue that technology isolates people, the evidence suggests it strengthens connections.

高度な文法コントロールを示します。「Although/While」+ 反対の見解で始め、自分の立場を述べる — ニュアンスのある思考を示します。

条件法(タイプ2)

If governments invested more in public transport, traffic congestion would decrease significantly.

仮想的なシナリオや解決策に最適です。構造:「If + 過去形, would + 不定詞」 — 柔軟性と想像力を示します。

academicのための受動態

It is often argued that education should be free. However, this view overlooks the practical challenges.

Academic writingは受動構文を好みます。「It is + 過去分詞 + that」は権威的で客観的なトーンを作ります。

関係節

Students who study abroad, which is becoming increasingly common, tend to develop greater independence.

複雑さを増さずに洗練さを加えます。「who」は人、「which」は物、「that」はどちらにも使います。

密度のための名詞句

The rapid expansion of urban areas has led to increased pollution levels.

より多くの情報を少ない言葉に詰め込みます。「効果的な政策の実施」対「政策は効果的に実施される」 — Lexical Resourceスコアを向上させます。

Step 6

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