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Opinionacademic·2024

Prison is not a cure for crime. Society should try other forms of punishment instead. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

最低250語で書いてください。約40分かけてください。これは本番の 100 試験形式の質問です。

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Step 1

このトピックに関するIELTS 試験官のアドバイス

1

For this 'To what extent' question, explicitly state your degree of agreement or disagreement in the introduction (e.g., 'I strongly agree that prison is ineffective as a cure'). While acknowledging the rehabilitative potential of prisons in one sentence, immediately pivot to defending why alternative punishments are superior, ensuring your main body paragraphs consistently support your primary stance without wavering.

2

Consider arguments such as the high recidivism rates associated with traditional incarceration, suggesting its failure to rehabilitate. You could cite examples like Norway's penal system, which prioritizes restorative justice and rehabilitation over punishment, leading to significantly lower reoffending rates compared to more punitive systems like those in the US. Another point could be the economic burden of prisons, arguing that funds could be better allocated to community-based rehabilitation programs or educational initiatives.

3

The most common mistake students make is discussing the problems with prisons and the benefits of alternatives in isolation, without directly linking them to the core idea of 'cure for crime' and the 'instead' aspect. To avoid this, ensure your essay consistently compares and contrasts the effectiveness of traditional incarceration versus alternative punishments in *curing* or *reducing* crime, explicitly arguing why one approach is superior in achieving genuine societal benefit.

4

To transition effectively between discussing the limitations of prisons and advocating for alternatives, use clear contrasting phrases. For example, after a paragraph detailing prison's shortcomings, you could begin the next with, 'Conversely, a strong case can be made for alternative forms of punishment...' or 'In stark contrast to punitive incarceration, restorative justice initiatives offer a more promising path...' This signals a clear shift in your argument while maintaining coherence.

5

For a band 8-9, examiners look for a nuanced understanding that critically evaluates *why* prison often fails as a 'cure' (e.g., fostering criminal networks, social stigma upon release) and *how* specific alternatives directly address these failures, demonstrating a sophisticated grasp of sociological and economic factors. High-scoring essays will use precise, academic vocabulary related to criminology and social justice, presenting a well-developed, logically coherent argument with clear progression and a strong authorial voice.

Step 2

推奨エッセイ構成(Band 7+ スタンダード)

1
イントロダクション

採点官の興味を引き、すぐに自分の立場を明確に示しましょう。

  • 強力な類義語を使って質問を言い換える — 言葉をそのままコピーしない
  • 最終文で自分の意見を明確に述べる — 疑いの余地を残さない
  • 簡潔に:最大2〜3文。すべての単語に意味を持たせる。

各パラグラフのBand 7+ センテンススターター

It is often argued that...There is a growing debate about whether...In my view, ... because ...
2
ボディパラグラフ1 — 最強の論点

反論の余地のない証拠で、最も説得力のある主張を行う。

  • 力強いトピックセンテンスで始める — 自分の主張を大胆に述べる
  • 具体的な証拠(統計、実例、専門家の研究)で裏付ける
  • 証拠がどのように自分の主張を証明するのかを正確に説明する — 採点官に筋道を示す

各パラグラフのBand 7+ センテンススターター

The primary reason I hold this view is that...This is clearly illustrated by...For instance, in many countries...
3
ボディパラグラフ2 — 補足的な論点

補完的な視点で自分の立場を強化する。

  • 異なる角度を選ぶ — パラグラフ1が経済的なら、社会的、環境的、倫理的視点を試す
  • 新しい証拠を使う — 同じ例や論理を繰り返さない
  • 自分の主張に明示的に結びつける — これが全体の立場をどのように強化するかを示す

各パラグラフのBand 7+ センテンススターター

Furthermore, it is worth considering that...Another compelling argument is that...This is further supported by the fact that...
4
結論

自信に満ちた印象的な結びで、長く記憶に残る印象を与える。

  • 新しいアイデアを導入しない — これは最終的な要約である
  • イントロダクションよりも強い語彙を使って自分の立場を再提示する
  • 力強く:最大2文。権威を持って締めくくる。

各パラグラフのBand 7+ センテンススターター

In conclusion, I firmly believe that...To sum up, the evidence clearly suggests that...

Step 3

高得点につながる語彙・コロケーション

Recidivism rateThe tendency of a convicted criminal to reoffend after release.
Restorative justiceAn approach to justice focusing on the rehabilitation of offenders through reconciliation with victims and the community.
Penal systemThe system of laws, courts, and prisons used to punish people who commit crimes.
It is widely acknowledged thatA common phrase used to introduce a generally accepted fact or belief.
A compelling argument can be madeA phrase used to introduce a strong and persuasive point.
This notion is predicated onThis idea or belief is based on or depends on a particular principle or assumption.
From my perspectiveA phrase used to introduce one's personal opinion or viewpoint.
The evidence overwhelmingly suggestsA phrase used to indicate that there is a large amount of strong proof supporting a particular point.
NotwithstandingDespite; in spite of.
This is not to say thatA phrase used to clarify that a previous statement does not imply something else, often to avoid misinterpretation.

Step 4

Academic Phrases for This Essay Type

It is widely acknowledged thatThere is compelling evidence to suggestThis phenomenon can be attributed toA growing body of research indicatesThe implications of this are far-reachingThis raises important questions aboutFrom a broader perspectiveIt would be short-sighted to ignore

追加

MoreoverFurthermoreIn additionWhat is more

対比

HoweverNeverthelessOn the other handConversely

原因 / 結果

ConsequentlyAs a resultThereforeThis leads to

例示

For instanceTo illustrateA case in point isSuch as

譲歩

AlthoughWhile it is true thatDespiteAdmittedly

Step 5

Grammar Patterns for Band 7+

譲歩を含む複文

Although some argue that technology isolates people, the evidence suggests it strengthens connections.

高度な文法コントロールを示します。「Although/While」+ 反対の見解で始め、自分の立場を述べる — ニュアンスのある思考を示します。

条件法(タイプ2)

If governments invested more in public transport, traffic congestion would decrease significantly.

仮想的なシナリオや解決策に最適です。構造:「If + 過去形, would + 不定詞」 — 柔軟性と想像力を示します。

academicのための受動態

It is often argued that education should be free. However, this view overlooks the practical challenges.

Academic writingは受動構文を好みます。「It is + 過去分詞 + that」は権威的で客観的なトーンを作ります。

関係節

Students who study abroad, which is becoming increasingly common, tend to develop greater independence.

複雑さを増さずに洗練さを加えます。「who」は人、「which」は物、「that」はどちらにも使います。

密度のための名詞句

The rapid expansion of urban areas has led to increased pollution levels.

より多くの情報を少ない言葉に詰め込みます。「効果的な政策の実施」対「政策は効果的に実施される」 — Lexical Resourceスコアを向上させます。

Step 6

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