IELTS.international
Opinionacademic·2023

In recent years, there has been an increase in health problems such as obesity and diabetes among young people. What are the causes of this trend and what measures could be taken to address it?

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Step 1

Tips Penguji IELTS untuk Topik Ini

1

For this question, your introduction should clearly state your perspective on the primary causes and the most impactful solutions, even though it's a problem/solution essay. While acknowledging that multiple factors contribute, explicitly identify the 2-3 causes you will focus on as most significant and the 2-3 measures you believe are most effective, maintaining this emphasis throughout your body paragraphs. To balance, briefly mention other less impactful factors or solutions, but immediately reinforce why your chosen points are more critical or sustainable.

2

When discussing causes, consider specific examples like the proliferation of ultra-processed foods and sugary beverages, alongside the rise of sedentary screen-based entertainment, which has replaced active play among young people. For solutions, you could reference the UK's 'sugar tax' on soft drinks as a government intervention, or the success of school-based initiatives that integrate daily physical activity and nutrition education, rather than just relying on generic 'healthy eating' advice.

3

A common pitfall for this question is providing a superficial list of causes and solutions without sufficient depth or specific examples. Students often mention 'unhealthy diet' and 'lack of exercise' without elaborating on *why* these have increased or *how* they specifically impact young people. To avoid this, select 2-3 distinct, well-developed causes (e.g., pervasive digital entertainment leading to sedentary habits, or aggressive marketing of unhealthy foods to children) and ensure your proposed measures directly correspond to and address these specific causes, demonstrating a clear cause-and-effect relationship.

4

To transition smoothly in this problem/solution essay with an underlying opinion, use clear signposting that moves from analysis to action. When shifting from discussing causes to proposing solutions, phrases like 'In light of these contributing factors,' or 'Consequently, addressing these pervasive issues requires...' are highly effective. Within your solution paragraphs, ensure logical progression using terms such as 'A primary measure would involve...' followed by 'Furthermore, complementary efforts must also focus on...' to connect your ideas cohesively.

5

For a band 8-9, examiners look for a nuanced understanding of the *interplay* between various causes, rather than just listing them. This means demonstrating how factors like digital media consumption, urban design, and food industry marketing collectively contribute to the problem, rather than just individual poor choices. Solutions should be multi-faceted and address systemic issues (e.g., regulatory frameworks, public health campaigns, educational reform) with specific, well-justified examples, showing a deep grasp of policy implications and societal impact, all while maintaining a consistent and well-supported argument.

Step 2

Struktur Esai yang Direkomendasikan (Standar Band 7+)

1
Pendahuluan

Tarik perhatian pemeriksa dan langsung tegaskan posisimu.

  • Ulangi pertanyaan dengan sinonim yang kuat — hindari menyalin kata-kata
  • Nyatakan pendapatmu dengan jelas di kalimat terakhir — jangan ada keraguan
  • Buat singkat: maksimal 2-3 kalimat. Setiap kata harus punya nilai.

Kalimat pembuka Band 7+ untuk setiap paragraf

It is often argued that...There is a growing debate about whether...In my view, ... because ...
2
Paragraf Utama 1 — Argumen Terkuatmu

Sampaikan kasus terbaikmu dengan bukti yang tak terbantahkan.

  • Mulai dengan kalimat topik yang kuat — nyatakan argumenmu dengan berani
  • Dukung dengan bukti konkret: statistik, kasus nyata, atau riset ahli
  • Jelaskan BAGAIMANA buktimu membuktikan poinmu — hubungkan untuk pemeriksa

Kalimat pembuka Band 7+ untuk setiap paragraf

The primary reason I hold this view is that...This is clearly illustrated by...For instance, in many countries...
3
Paragraf Utama 2 — Argumen Pendukung

Perkuat posisimu dengan perspektif pelengkap.

  • Pilih sudut pandang berbeda — jika paragraf 1 ekonomi, coba sosial, lingkungan, atau etika
  • Gunakan bukti baru — hindari mengulang contoh atau alasan yang sama
  • Tautkan kembali ke tesismu dengan jelas — tunjukkan bagaimana ini memperkuat posisi keseluruhan

Kalimat pembuka Band 7+ untuk setiap paragraf

Furthermore, it is worth considering that...Another compelling argument is that...This is further supported by the fact that...
4
Kesimpulan

Tinggalkan kesan mendalam dengan penutup yang percaya diri dan berkesan.

  • Jangan perkenalkan ide baru — ini adalah ringkasan akhirmu
  • Ulangi posisimu dengan kosakata yang lebih kuat daripada pendahuluan
  • Buat tetap kuat: maksimal 2 kalimat. Akhiri dengan otoritas.

Kalimat pembuka Band 7+ untuk setiap paragraf

In conclusion, I firmly believe that...To sum up, the evidence clearly suggests that...

Step 3

Kosakata & Kolokasi Skor Tinggi

sedentary lifestyleA lifestyle characterized by much sitting and little physical activity.
ultra-processed foodsIndustrial formulations made mostly from cheap ingredients and additives, often high in sugar, fat, and salt.
public health initiativesPrograms or policies designed by government or health organizations to improve community health.
it is widely acknowledged thatA phrase used to introduce a commonly accepted or recognized fact or belief.
a compelling argument can be madeA phrase used to introduce a strong and persuasive point or reason.
this notion is predicated onA phrase meaning that an idea or concept is based on or depends upon a particular assumption or principle.
from my perspectiveA phrase used to introduce one's personal viewpoint or opinion.
the evidence overwhelmingly suggestsA phrase indicating that the available data or information strongly supports a particular conclusion.
notwithstandingDespite; in spite of.
it could be argued thatA phrase used to introduce a possible interpretation or contention, often to present a balanced view or a less definitive statement.

Step 4

Academic Phrases for This Essay Type

It is widely acknowledged thatThere is compelling evidence to suggestThis phenomenon can be attributed toA growing body of research indicatesThe implications of this are far-reachingThis raises important questions aboutFrom a broader perspectiveIt would be short-sighted to ignore

Penambahan

MoreoverFurthermoreIn additionWhat is more

Kontras

HoweverNeverthelessOn the other handConversely

Sebab / Akibat

ConsequentlyAs a resultThereforeThis leads to

Contoh

For instanceTo illustrateA case in point isSuch as

Konsesi

AlthoughWhile it is true thatDespiteAdmittedly

Step 5

Grammar Patterns for Band 7+

Kalimat kompleks dengan konsesi

Although some argue that technology isolates people, the evidence suggests it strengthens connections.

Tunjukkan kontrol tata bahasa tingkat lanjut. Mulai dengan 'Meskipun /While' + pandangan berlawanan, lalu nyatakan posisimu — tunjukkan pemikiran bernuansa.

Kondisional (Tipe 2)

If governments invested more in public transport, traffic congestion would decrease significantly.

Cocok untuk skenario dan solusi hipotetis. Struktur: 'Jika + past simple, would + infinitive' — tunjukkan fleksibilitas dan imajinasi.

Pasif untuk nada academic

It is often argued that education should be free. However, this view overlooks the practical challenges.

Academic writing lebih suka konstruksi pasif. 'It is + past participle + that' ciptakan nada otoritatif dan objektif.

Klausa relatif

Students who study abroad, which is becoming increasingly common, tend to develop greater independence.

Tambahkan kecanggihan tanpa kompleksitas. Gunakan 'who' untuk orang, 'which' untuk benda, 'that' untuk keduanya.

Frasa kata benda untuk kepadatan

The rapid expansion of urban areas has led to increased pollution levels.

Masukkan lebih banyak informasi dengan kata lebih sedikit. 'Implementasi kebijakan efektif' vs 'kebijakan diimplementasikan secara efektif' — tingkatkan skor Lexical Resource.

Step 6

Jawaban Model Band 9 (Telah Dinilai Lengkap)

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